fevers and mirrors

He said I was pretty from the inside out, and I didn't know what to say, so I traced a kindergarten heart on his chest and continued to drool into the crook of his shoulder and think in half french and vibrant colors as the indian summer washed over me. "Je vous aime mille temps sur quand nous sommes ensemble bouclés comme ceci"

She's a Christ Forsaken Angel

So I danced, off my head—

out of hand, with a magician

from a years old

dream along the belt

of a homebound warrior

while the tentacles of space

were tightly wound around my waist.

In the slanted light of fresh motes

we ate a black hole breakfast

of cool flesh and scented

shells. I turned my hair

into a constellation

in the grass, and drank in the dew

of a thumb charting a universal

map of freckles and scars

into the vastness of unlearning.

And in the blank space

of spirals and scribbles

there was finally room

for me to roll a rainbow

across my eyes as we moved

softly, into in night. Butterfly,

constellation, owl, magician, warrior—

this universe is finally ours.

The words are mine, the image in Tara McPherson's

This Guy

Reminds me to always remember that I have a spirit and dreams and soul. Because I often forget to nurture those things when I get too busy.

Five Subversive Figures Who Influenced Me At Far Too Young Ages!

Tom Robbins

Bisexual cowgirls, mutant hitchhikers, the corpse of Jesus Christ, peyote eating mistresses, attic bound princesses in love with terrorists, belly dancers. What wouldn't a 13 year old girl love? I ended up reading and rereading Even Cowgirls Get The Blues until I broke the binding. My 9th grade writing class was thrilled with my description of the prairie sex scene. The teacher? Not so much.

Tomas Wolfe

I found The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test on my dad's book shelf in 7th grade. I loved the descriptions of the Merry Pranksters and, of course, the sex. I probably could have kept this one under the radar if I hadn't taken it school with me. Apparently, middle school councilors become concerned when a 12 year old is talking about LSD and freakouts.

Hunter S Thompson

After the Wolfe book, there really wasn't any harm in reading Hell's Angels, right? Wrong. Well, reading it was just fine. Explaining it to the grandparents of my middle school BFF was not. They actually forbid her to hang out with me after that.

John Waters

If Crybaby and Hairspray were ok to watch while babysitting, then why not Pink Flamingos? I, again, might have gotten away with this if I hadn't attempted to discuss the dog shit eating scene with my dad. I also became fairly obsessed with drag queens at this point. It was crushing when I realized that I could never be one.

Dorothy Parker

Cute little couplets are one thing, but a ninth grade English class may not be the best place for Resume. At least, that's what my teacher told my dad when she called.

She Looks Like Little Birds Come and Dress Her

A little ghost, a little owl, a whisper in boots, along an edge, beneath an arch, into a void. The vastness of everything and smallness of it too. And always, always, the swallows who come to dress me every morning in rags.

Orion and Owl

And I am like a little owl, maybe. I build a totem in my dream of rose quartz and stars and it will help the warrior on his path toward the mystery and majesty of a universe which is, always, flowing through us, around us, among us, within us, without us. I pick up trinkets and talismans along the way like frogs and turtles and swallows and flies and I mark myself with wings to fly away and a star to bring me home. I drift forever upward into that vastness which I don’t need to understand to feel it in my center like a glowing swirl of pinprick lights, stand on tiptoes and block out the glare, to reach into my beginning, my center, my end. Pray for the constellation across my cheeks to always burn bright in sunlight and warm in the dark and breathe, slowly, deeply, madly, as I come to a flittering stop. Resting finally on this warrior’s shoulder and building a nest in his hair.